Six races and all won by blue or green. Bloody Green Steve, you’re useless!

Been out to Cannon Hall Farm with The Oldies, Sissyface and her family – after a lot of aimless driving round the countryside cursing the lack of road signs – to wander round looking at, erm, farm animals and that.

Misread the local pizza shop’s special offers and accidentally ordered All The Pizzas, which we struggled to make a dent in.

I present to you the latest artwork in Hull (City of Culture 2017) – The Leaning Tower of Pizzas.

Enjoyed the chance to catch up with most of Man’s side of the family over a typical British BBQ.

Cuzzie Jack and his wife Stiff were also over from Papamoa on a much grander 5 week trip taking in a dance competition in LA and sightseeing in NY and London. Both fun company as usual and nice to meet their youngest.

Enjoying a catch-up with Auntie Barbara and Uncle Roger as they arrive ahead of a big family BBQ tomorrow.

Sweet Jeebus I’m glad I don’t live in Britain full-time, the broken bureaucracy would drive me to drink!

I’ve tried three times to get Mam’s mobile number transferred to a new SIM, both on EE’s website and their telephone system, and none of it works as it should. Telephone customer services here just consists of mashing some menu options for a while followed by “we’re experiencing high call volumes at the moment” amid some generic pop music rendered unlistenably by the poor quality VOIP.

Also attempted to contact The Pru to stop being spammed every couple of months with the exact same letter. You’d think that wouldn’t be too difficult for one of the UK’s largest insurance companies would you? Nope, two call transfers from a Scottish call center to India led to increasing confusion over what I actually wanted, until I lost confidence in what I actually wanted to achieve and hung up.

Not to mention the annoyance that EVERY FECKING WEBSITE you visit prompts you to accept cookies and tells you that they take your privacy seriously. Don’t bother, our phones and smart speakers are recording us anyway and social media algorithms know you’re pregnant before you do so let’s not get caught up with privacy, eh?

I’m going to end up doing a Victor Meldrew and rocking up to the EE store in person to actually get in front of a human being that has access to the IT systems needed to move a phone number. Or failing that Mam is going to have to get used to a new number.

</rant>

Second fish and chips of the holiday already!

This one enjoyed at home, eaten during a noisy thunderstorm prior to heading out to the footy. Hope it blows over and stops raining before we go.

1 hour flight to Auckland, 16 hour flight to Noo Yoik, then filing through Customs, collecting luggage only to go back through security and check in the suitcase again, then 6 hour flight crushed into cattle class BA flight.

Then Heathrow Express to Paddington and Circle line to Kings Cross ready for the 2pm train to Hull (and it’s hot and I’m all dressed in black)

Nipped into the pub at Kings Cross for my first fish n chips and a pint of shandy.

Checked in for the trip to Blighty to see the family. Hoping this trip will involve less mask wearing and no covid, but we will see in the next couple of weeks.

Going to miss my ladies (both human and furry) and my own bed, but I can’t wait for some mam-hugs! And some fush and chups, football and sunshine.

Tried out Boneface’s entry for this year’s Burger Wellington competition – The Yorkie Dork.

It comprised roast beef with rocket and horseradish (the onion got extracted) along with roast potatoes and gravy.

It tasted quite nice but messed with my head – it for confused as to whether I was eating a burger or a roast dinner.

Our rugby teams might all be wallowing in the bottom half of the league but it’s still reet grand to be from God’s Own County!

Three