The Duchess has long had a habit of giving me unsolicited advice by starting sentences with “I think you’ll find… ‘ followed by something I should be doing or doing differently.

This week she’s shaken things up and I am now also getting “Just a little tip for you”, which is nice.

Always up for some self-improvement, even if I am yet to master putting lids back on things (though that could be my subconscious rebelling)

What a World we live in today.

So Covid has snuck back into New Zealand and we are scrambling back up the lockdown levels to try getting ahead of it.

Perhaps it’s the fact the novelty factor isn’t there but I am more pissed off and fed up today than I was during the first lockdown.

Having a big old fry up to try cheering myself up. If that doesn’t work I am going back to bed until things clear up.

I’m not sure why but for the past couple of weeks I’ve had a hankering to buy a ukulele. Yesterday I gave in and headed down to the local music shop and got myself one of these, a Mini Me version of my poor neglected acoustic guitar.

Naturally as a Northern type I need to be wary of the spectre of George Formby (eee turned out nice again missis) so the first three songs on my study list are

• “Nothing Else Matters” by Metallica
• “Creep” by Radiohead
• “Wonderwall” by Oasis (I suspect it’s a legal requirement)

No doubt in a month I’ll have given up on them and have switched to “Leaning on a Lamp Post” wearing a trilby at a jaunty angle.

Where do you start with Trump? There’s a used car yard somewhere missing it’s star salesman. His antics would be hilarious if he wasn’t heading up the most powerful and heavily armed country in the developed World. A man with access to thousands of nuclear weapons that thinks KFC is a gourmet meal and who thinks it normal to communicate with the World via ALL CAPS MIDNIGHT TWEETS. Quite possibly the current definition of Hell would be acting as this doofus’ PR person.

He’s even posted a photo of himself promoting a range of his friend’s – Goya CEO Robert Unanue – products ON THE OVAL OFFICE DESK on his Instragram account. It’s true! I doubt even Saturday Night Live would come up with something so batshit bonkers.

While he isn’t completely to blame for the US’ utterly ineffective response to Covid-19 — due to the ridiculous nature of how the country is governed there was always going to be 50 different approaches being adopted and confusing messages — his head-in-the-sand refusal to engage with the facts has led to the point where he hosts news briefings with not a single expert adviser present. If he doesn’t like a fact he literally erases it from his reality. It’s amazing. I’m starting to wonder if he’s actually got reality-bending superpowers.

This is without even peering into the cesspit that comprises his morals – the misogeny, the acceptance of the insidious rise of white supremacy under his watch, the refusal to provide tax records, despite promising to in his election campaign.

Future historians are going to look back on this past few years generally and think “what the actual fuck were they thinking?”.

Anyway, until that glorious day he either gets dragged out of the White House in handcuffs, gets kicked out by the electorate or his cholesterol levels catch up with him let’s just enjoy this bit of FAKE NEWS featuring THE BIGGEST MOST STABLE BRAIN THERE IS.